No, I have not been okay.

A lot of people have asked me: “Why aren’t you on VRChat anymore?” or “Why haven’t you been around on Discord?”

So I decided to write down what has been going on for years now, and why my mental health is beyond fucked.

May 2024

Our previous landlord, who was also my mom’s aunt, decided to sell the house we were renting an apartment in.

Her reason was: “I’m going to have to sell it to afford a retirement home for my own mother. She’s 94. (Landlords mother)”

After that, we were constantly visited by countless people who were interested in buying the house. They would randomly step foot into our apartment.

This stressed me out so much, and my mom as well, because we were literally afraid for our lives — afraid that we would lose our home. (WE lived there for 27 years)

This continued for an entire year.

Around November 2025

My life took a very dark turn.

We got new landlords, and my childhood home was sold to them. My mom and I didn’t think too much of it. We thought: “Things will be fine.”

Oh… how wrong we were.

November 2025

The new landlords introduced themselves and said: “We don’t want you out. You can continue to live here for a rent increase of 20%.”

This sounded great to my mother.

Soon after, she met the people who would ultimately move in with us: an Italian guy with his Spanish wife, and one Iranian guy.

December 2025

While I was spending a wonderful time with my bestie Mizu in Switzerland, they started renovating. And it was LOUD.

My mom does not take a lot of noise lightly. It stresses her a lot. This continued for months after that.

They renovated the place really shoddily. They did not even notice the mold. Their “insulation” for the floor was, I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING: newspapers.

I was sketched out.

So I got home around December 30, 2025, because I felt something was wrong at home. Don’t ask me how. I just felt it inside my heart that something bad was about to happen. I can’t explain how.

January 2026

They moved in, and the horror show began.

Renovation kept going. I noticed strange noises above my room at night, which is a pantry.

Turns out, the fat Italian fuck moved in right above me in the pantry, because he would always fight with his bitch-ass wife, so they slept separately.

All of a sudden, I had zero privacy. I would hear them fight above me all the time.

Every Sunday, they would be in the upstairs living room with 14 people — FOURTEEN — in this small-ass 70 m² apartment.

The people who came over brought their kids, and they would constantly jump around in this mess of an uninsulated house. The noise level was absurd.

This usually went on for 5 to 10 hours every Sunday.

My mom slowly started to lose her mind.

I slowly started to lose my mind as well. No privacy. I couldn’t even talk to my friends properly anymore.

One day, the guy randomly stopped me on the staircase, threatened me, and said: “I can hear everything you say about us. Better be careful!”

February 2026

Shit continued to get worse.

My mom started to realize: this ain’t it.

She kept telling me: “If this continues, we might have to move.”

I was completely against that. I loved that house like nothing else. I lived there for 27 years. I had never moved before — well, when I was a toddler, yes, but I don’t remember that.

From there on, my mother’s panic attacks started to develop.

They got progressively worse and more violent.

March 2026

Somehow, my mom involved my dad in my life again: a transphobic, pathological liar.

This motherfucker showed up to my place, lying to me once again, saying that we would all move together and he would be a father again and be there for me.

My fucking ass.

Of course, it was nothing but lies again, stressing me out even more.

My mother would always try to find a new place to live, then row back on that idea a few days later. This happened about six times, until I snapped from the stress and forced her to make up her mind.

Ignoring my dad from there on, we eventually found this place in the same city, and my mom impulse-bought it.

I regret this a lot. I miss my old home so much. So… so much.

To add insult to injury, my dad helped with the move — and by “helped,” I mean he carried one thing, said his back hurt, and fucked off.

Ultimately, Mizu, my mom, my neighbors, and I did the move.

Thanks a lot, family. FUCK YOU. I HOPE YOU ALL ROT IN HELL.

April 2026

We moved out of the old place.

The new apartment felt strange. It was so huge. Going from 70 m² to 140 m² is… overwhelming.

The previous renters left the place pretty dirty, which annoyed my mother so much. She has a really bad cleaning addiction.

Yet I had already noticed how she didn’t even want to clean anymore, even though she constantly said she wanted to, and that all the dirt was driving her crazy.

May 2026

We had been moved in for about two weeks. My 30th birthday was just around the corner.

On May 7, my mom attempted suicide.

She lay in my bed after taking an overdose of sleeping pills and benzodiazepines.

I woke up because she was snoring so badly and so loudly. I had never heard anything like it before.

Then I shook her. She didn’t respond, and I panicked.

I instantly called 110 for police and ambulance.

They showed up about 12 minutes later. They took her to the ICU at the hospital and pumped out her stomach.

I lost my goddamn mind during that time.

After a few hours, my uncle showed up at my place, only to fuck off again a few hours later. Then my dad took me in for a few days.

Being completely overwhelmed by me being around, he called my aunt to take care of me. All I needed was food and someone to talk to.

They are all such unable-to-do-anything fucking idiots.

I had to spend 7 days at my transphobic dad’s place, where I was forced to dress male, act male, and grow out my body hair and beard.

Not to mention, my dad and the rest of the family didn’t even care that it was my birthday.

When I asked my own dad, “Do you know what day it is today?” this motherfucker deadass said: “Friday.”

Then I started crying. So much. And I said: “It’s my birthday… but no one cares anyway.”

Then he pulled out a shitty Bluetooth speaker, played that stupid Happy Birthday track, and made me a birthday card with shitty gen-AI.

I wanted to actually kill that bastard.

After one family drama after another, I snapped and had a BPD episode at my dad’s place, basically wrecking the place.

I decided to reach out online to any of my friends for help.

Then my bestie Mizu drove over from Switzerland all the way to my dad’s place to grab me and rescue me out of that abusive place.

I then lived at Mizu’s place for around 4 weeks.

After 3½ weeks, my mom got out of the hospital and came over to Switzerland as well, as an additional vacation.

She said things were better now.

I wish that had been true.

June 2026

We got home.

Not even 5 days later, it got super bad again.

I had to stomach 3 weeks of her on-and-off panic attacks, suicidal tendencies, crying, and withering away.

She didn’t do the household anymore. I had to do everything. I had to finally grow up.

It would switch every 2 days. Her mood would always be random, sporadic, and downright crazy.

Day 1: good, on benzos, because of her insane panic attacks every morning.

Day 2: extremely bad, no benzos.

This pattern would haunt me for about 23 days, until I couldn’t anymore.

June 25, 2026

She completely snapped again and was taken into the mental hospital again.

I called 110 and told them how she was acting again, and they took her with them.

This time, no one from the family would take me in. Not even my OWN DAD.

On Sunday this week, my friend from the UK, Chaz, is going to arrive at my place so that I at least won’t be completely alone with my thoughts anymore.

I can’t deny that all of this shit has absolutely fucked my mental health to shit and back.

I’m seriously at my worst, and I crave rest so badly.

After Chaz leaves, Mizu will take me in until my mom is out of the hospital again.

Today

From here on — today — time will tell what happens.

I just want things to get better again.

I wish for nothing more than to have my old mom back again.

Addendum

Mizu, if you read this, I love you so much. You’re the best friend someone could ever ask for.

You are the reason I’m able to survive on my own, at least somewhat. You taught me so much.

You are my sister, even if not biologically. No one I’ve ever had as a friend would sacrifice so many things just to help me.

I’ll never forget this. If there’s anything I can ever do for you, please tell me, and I’ll do it in a heartbeat.